“To be able to face our fears, we must remember how to perform ritual. To remember how to perform ritual, we must slow down.” – Malidoma Patrice Somé
Despite having participated in many ceremonies that have been deeply meaningful to me, trying to describe them leaves me wanting for words. Perhaps this is because in many ways, ceremonial experiences are ineffable. Alchemical in nature, the power of ceremony can reach beyond the specifics of what we can plan and predict. Structurally, ceremonies are containers made up of rituals, or sets of rituals, with clear beginnings, middles and ends. Functionally, ceremonies are spaces to mark transitions or passages, ranging from big to small, private to collective, joyous to somber. Mysteriously, they can open doors to the unseen and the unconscious. When attended to mindfully, ceremonies can help us access experiences of deep presence.
Ceremonies have the potential to transport us away from the routine of everyday life into “sacred” time and space. I use quotations here because in some sense all of life is sacred. And yet the ins and outs of our everyday lives can become banal, or even profane. We become entrenched in routines and forgetful of the many miracles that make up our existence here on earth. Ceremonies help (re)create sacred spaces. One of my favorite aspects of ceremonies is how they can create spaces for mystery and cracks for spirit to pour forth.
In the Jewish tradition of my heritage, Shabbat (the Sabbath) is marked by a set of rituals performed on Friday night at sundown. We say prayers as we light candles, bless wine, break bread. These ceremonial rituals usher in Shabbat as a day that breaks the routine of the week and marks the seventh day as a sacred day of rest. In the same tradition, B’nai Mitzvahs initiate a child into adulthood. Wedding ceremonies of various traditions transform relationships through a set of rituals that mark a union between two previously independent individuals. Ceremonies offer spaces to witness ourselves and others as we move through the cycles of life.
Over the past few years, some friends and I have started co-creating our own ceremonies to mark important times of transition – solstices and equinoxes, lunar cycles, deaths, griefs, births. In the midst of a painful breakup, a friend suggested we hold a grief ceremony to help mark the transition in my life.
Co-creating a ceremony with loved ones gave me the opportunity to settle into a safe container to further process my feelings and to connect to my prayers and hopes, surrounded by the elements and the unseen. I knew the ceremony wasn’t a magic wand that could take away all my pain, but it was a way to intentionally mark a meaningful transition in the presence of dear friends. Consciously enacting a grief ritual was a way for me to honour the relationship that was, to be held and witnessed, and to reconnect to my sense of agency and spirituality. Ultimately and unexpectedly, a vision for what might come next in my life emerged through my prayers.
Ceremonies and rituals can be self-designed, and as unique as those who practice them. Ceremonies and rituals derive their meanings from the intentions behind them and the presence within them. Mindfulness and presence breathe life into ceremonies, they help us attune and attend to the subtle yet powerful energies that we invoke when we open ceremonial spaces.
In the closing of a long ceremony some years ago, a teacher remarked that we would soon be returning to the ceremony of life. A beautiful thought, that each ceremony is nested within the larger ceremony of everyday life. If we show up to life the way we show up to ceremony – with intention, reverence, presence and openness – we are likely to access more everyday magic.
